Growing Your Leadership Capacity: How Thomas-Kilmann Insights Help You Honor Yourself and Others

Most leaders don’t wake up in the morning hoping for conflict. Yet almost every leader can recall a moment when tension with a colleague, employee, or even a peer turned into something meaningful—something that reshaped how they lead.

At Inspired Training Institute, we see this every day: conflict becomes the doorway to growth. Not because it disappears, but because people learn to move through it differently. The Thomas-Kilmann Tool (TKI) helps leaders understand how they naturally respond to conflict, and how they can choose responses that honor both themselves and the people they lead.

What follows isn’t a technical explanation—it’s a look at how real leaders use TKI insights to communicate more honestly, listen more fully, and turn difficult moments into opportunities for deeper connection.

What the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model Really Offers

At its core, the Thomas-Kilmann model gives leaders something simple and powerful:
a mirror.

It shows us the instincts we lean on when discomfort rises—whether we push hard, step back, try to keep peace, or work to find middle ground. And once we can see our style clearly, we can decide how to respond in ways that reflect our values and respect the people around us.

Five Conflict Styles, Five Ways to Honor Yourself and Others

Rather than listing the styles like a textbook, here’s how they show up in everyday leadership:

Competing

When something matters deeply, some leaders speak up quickly and firmly. This can be valuable in urgent situations—but it gains impact when paired with humility and clarity.

Collaborating

Some leaders naturally want everyone at the table. They look for solutions that feel right to everyone involved. This style builds trust when time and relationships allow for deeper conversation.

Compromising

Many leaders are skilled at give-and-take. They look for the path where everyone gives a little and everyone gets a little. It keeps things moving and honors fairness.

Avoiding

Some leaders need space to think before they speak. They step back, observe, and wait for the right moment. When used wisely, this style prevents heated reactions and gives everyone room to breathe.

Accommodating

Some leaders value harmony and are willing to bend so that others feel supported. When balanced with their own needs, this style communicates generosity and respect.

Each style has strengths. Each can be misused. The power comes from knowing when to use which one.

How Leaders Use TKI Insights to Change Their Story

Here are two examples from coaching work that show how conflict shifts when leaders honor themselves and others:

Story 1: Finding Your Voice Without Losing the Relationship

A project manager named Sarah came into coaching exhausted. She avoided conflict because she wanted to keep the peace, but the cost was growing resentment and long nights fixing problems she hadn’t felt brave enough to raise with her team.

Through the TKI, she saw that she was defaulting to accommodating even when the situation called for something different. Over time, she practiced speaking earlier, more calmly, and more honestly.

One day, she told a teammate:
“I value our working relationship, and I also need more clarity so I can do my best work.”

It wasn’t confrontational. It wasn’t dramatic.

It was honest—and it honored both of them.

For the first time in months, she felt the weight lift.

Story 2: From Pushing Hard to Listening First

Another leader, James, prided himself on decisiveness. He admitted he “ran hot” in conflict and often leaned on the competing style. His team had grown hesitant to share feedback—something he never intended.

When he saw his results on the TKI, he said, “No wonder people shut down. I haven’t left space for them.”

We practiced collaboration. We practiced saying, “Help me understand your perspective.”

And he watched his team open up. Tasks flowed more smoothly. Conflict didn’t disappear—but it became productive.

He didn’t have to stop being decisive.

He simply learned to make room for others without losing himself.

When Conflict Is Managed Well, Everyone Grows

Leaders who intentionally choose their conflict style—rather than defaulting to it—experience real, lasting growth:

• They know themselves better.

• They communicate more honestly and clearly.

• They navigate tough conversations with more grace.

• Their teams feel respected and understood.

• Workplaces become more open, resilient, and healthy.

Conflict becomes less about winning or avoiding—and more about connection, clarity, and mutual respect.

Why Inspired Training Institute Helps Leaders Grow in These Ways

At Inspired Training Institute, we walk alongside leaders as they uncover:

• their natural conflict patterns,

• the stories those patterns tell,

• and the choices they can make to honor others without losing themselves.

Our work is grounded in values like respect, integrity, courage, and compassion—values that create workplaces where people can thrive. The TKI is one of the tools we use to help leaders turn difficult moments into learning, trust, and forward movement.

Ready to Grow Your Leadership Capacity?

If you’re ready to lead with more clarity, more confidence, and more respect for both yourself and others, we’d love to partner with you.

Understanding your Thomas-Kilmann conflict style is a meaningful first step.

Reach out to Inspired Training Institute to learn how conflict—when approached with intention—can become one of your greatest opportunities for growth.

Connect with us to begin the journey.